June 15, 2008 (Father's Day) - I was twelve years old when my parents put me to work at their small soap factory in Ada, Michigan. For thirty-five cents an hour I was responsible for watering the lawns and weeding the flower beds. At that time my father, Rich DeVos, and his partner, Jay Van Andel, were busy building their company. Yet no matter how busy Dad seemed to be, he was always there for me with an encouraging smile and the kind of attention that made me feel special, even though I was one of four children. His praise for a job well done filled me with pride. I didn’t realize it at that time, but through those simple tasks I was being taught the values… That was how New York Times bestselling author Dick DeVos accounted his one beautiful life with his father in his book Rediscovering American Values.

It can’t be denied that we envy the kind of life Dick had. Just last week I got that quick sampling of students and workmates with the question, “Between your father and mother, who’s closer to you?” Their votes were indeed sufficient to say that 96% was for mothers.

My father is the opposite of Dick’s. He grew up to be work-oriented toiling hard for his family even before he got his own. Growing without a father to look up to, he was inclined to huddle for every cent just to feed my lola and his other siblings. That was one thing that contributed to his being strong and being strict to us his children. As a grown-up I used to asking about the why’s in the family. I used to ask why papa always scolded aside from punishing us capitally when mama just would love to punish us verbally. There were always differences in their rearing. I used to ask why papa always had to punish us only when he was in the influence of alcohol and mama had to anytime of the day. I used to ask why papa had to do this worst thing to mama in front of us when they could have done it away from us. My papa could have been elusive.

While we see the good side in our fathers, we do more seeing the other side of them. We look at them as less expressive, less caring, drunkard, strict, remote, and much more. Many young Filipinos believe that fathers do not have the feeling which mothers possess. Always, fathers are machismo. They are not emo individuals. They do not show that feeling of being open to all talks than mothers do.

But, fathers understand our needs of being understood. It is just that they are much akin to sponges which absorb everything they see and hear in the family and only when enough courage and cautious times permit then they talk.

It could have been a great effect to the Filipino family’s way of life when colonialism had caused upon us. Our foreparents lived very tragic lives. From the Spanish to the American occupations, our forefathers were forced to leave home to work for the colonizers leaving the family. At one point, our other forefathers had to flee from mountain to mountains just to be part of the guerillas to fight back the colonizers. While most women had to work at home for the children, others served as comfort women for the colonizers too. Unlike mothers, the role of fathering was gone because of the inadequacy to respond to due to their absence. There was that never ending trauma within the Filipino family. The value of togetherness that should have been imparted by both parents in the family was lost for 400 years. If it would be difficult for parents to mold close relationship within family with the children for 20 years and with fathers to be open to their children, how much more for that 400 years. That Filipino heritage should have been passed on from one generation to the next, but it was put in vain. It was never imbibed in us. The anxiety that was once felt still reverberated in today’s generation. That’s why Veterans still look forward to the happy days they had that were lost during wartimes. Comfort women too tried to share their stories that today’s youth may mirror the tragedies they had. Fathers cannot still find the true orientation they should possess because of the role gap which got lost in transition.

Since time immemorial, fathers have been the head of the family. Kingdoms were always ruled by kings, empires by emperors, and tribes by datus. The society is even controlled by the male populace. That is how man openly asserts his status. He is seen as strict, domineering, and hard. Children tend to move aback from them because that is how we see them.

Regaining back Filipino moments bound by olden-day heritage which were eminent then before the Spanish occupation is hard to do. Mothers are lucky for always being remembered by their children. Fathers are forgotten. If psychology’s complexities – Oedipus and Electra – were just brandishing that inequality and differences among children then the family members created unfair rule among themselves.

At 11:46 am I texted my mama to great my father a “HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!” It has only been two years when I found that close attachment with my father, only then when I went home escaping from work which almost ended me AWOL and surprised him with a very first birthday party in his life. That day of 2005 was my first to see him teary-eyed. The second I know was this morning when my mama replied of how papa reacted on the message I sent him. It is wonderful to know that the silence in him was finally broken.

Day after day, he is the father who looks forward to have us by his side being told all fairy tales that only mama knows. He is wanting to keep us within reach that he can turn back the failing and ailing times where we were yet looking for that fatherly moment. Only the past two years that I finally knew the answers to my why’s on him. Yet, he is my legendary father.

To the FATHERS and to your FATHERS out there, say, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! to them. #